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Half a Brain
Thinly sliced please...
Created on 2006-07-19 21:49:48 (#10707525), last updated 2008-08-14
2 comments received, 17 comments posted
Basic Account [Gift]
6 Journal Entries, 5 Tags, 0 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 15 Userpics
Basic Info| Name: | farkleberries |
|---|---|
| Birthdate: | 1968 |
| Location: | Chicago, Illinois, United States |
BioForty one (dammit), married, two kids, IT Administrator (Professional Nerd), self-proclaimed obsessive-compulsive ellipsis abuser, misanthropist, and Procrastinator Extraordinaire.
"He who refuses to learn deserves extinction." ~ Hillel
* Warning * This journal may or may not contain controversial discussions on the following topics including, but not limited to:
Swimming cramps, acid rain, ping-pong balls, Fabio, hiccups, crack whores, planetary misalignment, cell phones, cable outages, itchy clothing tags, sonic booms, hippies, global warming, genetically altered foods, bad luck, potholes, killer bees, labor violence, organ rejection, sudden hot water shower syndrome, political corruption, toxic waste, voodoo curses, yellow waxy buildup, sunspots, nasty commercials (douche, tampon, wart, diarrhea, jock itch, canker sore, pimple, erectile dysfunction, hemorrhoid, yeast infection, herpes, athletes foot, etc.), runaway trains, locusts, rabies, body lice, cattle stampedes, airline food, carbon deposits, hand dryer graffiti, taxation without representation, evil neighbors, metal fatigue, neo-nazis and/or mother-in-laws, mutual assured destruction, moral decay, Dutch elm disease, chain reactions, dry rot, entropy, charlatans, chemical spills, continental drift, stray projectiles (arrows, bullets, buckshot, grenade shrapnel, SCUD missiles, knives, rocks, vomit, etc.), mystery meats, tooth decay, watery ketchup, drive-by shootings, missing socks, orthodontists, toilet plungers, diabetes, armed robbery, golf, hit-and-run drivers, homework, leaky batteries, laryngitis, fruitcakes, babies with pierced ears, electrocution, Britney Spears, telemarketers, cracked windshields, anal leakage, botulism, self-help books, inflation, hairballs, disco, demonic possession, heart attacks, dandruff, circumcision, corporate greed, diaper rash, hangnails, lasers, headaches, disgruntled postal workers, theft, bagels, Jon Bonet Ramsey, Microsoft, beanie babies, groin kicks, Power Rangers, fur coats, lousy ignorant drivers, deviated septa, doorbells, France, Mondays, hernias, overpaid actors-celebrities-athletes, frivolous lawsuits, fat guys in Speedos, photon torpedoes, ghetto-style driving, prunes, false election promises, flat tires, Fran Drescher, constipation, war, poverty, warm beer, censorship, cigar smokers, alien abductions, eye boogers, universal armageddon, sharks, lawyers, neighbors who let their dogs bark all night, Jerry Springer, insomnia, diesel exhaust, mushrooms, gangrene, ear aches, freezer burn, toxic waste, caked-on makeup, rogue elephants, motion sickness, intestinal parasites, mosquitoes, brain freeze, Bill Gates, map folding, rabid squirrels, homicide, bed head, reality television, depression, leprosy, unsupervised children, Milli Vanilli, ISO 9002, Saved by the Bell, morning breath, gonorrhea, improper or unauthorized repair, sour milk, sleep drooling, lava lamps, drowning, double-parking, stabbings, static cling, Celine Dion, radioactive fallout, power surges, good movies with terrible endings, nose-picking, Ticketmaster, work, yuppies, bigotry, clowns, ingrown toenails, asbestos, fake boobies, cannibalism, blisters, flesh-eating bacteria, dog barf, Oprah Winfrey, cold toilet seats, limericks, crappy jingles, pilly flannel sheets, animal abuse / neglect, “404 - Not Found” errors, speeding tickets, twenty-five checkout lanes and only three cashiers, email spam, puppy mills, charlie-horses, dermatitis, starvation, tinnitus, seating by busboy stations, soap scum, mold & mildew, car alarms, chest colds, death via vending machine, Martha Stewart, Dell Computers, dust mites, snoring, Japanese cartoons, trailer parks, overused sayings, genitalia euphemisms, paper cuts, AOL, TMJ, “whizzing” car logos, bubonic plague, contraction of the universe, dirty jokes, juice boxes, lost remotes, black teeth, broken shoelaces, man boobs, boy bands, arthritis, anxiety, hard shell plastic wrapping, prejudice, filthy public restrooms, prostate exams, pinched nerves, oysters, cancer, rude people in movie theaters, presidential speeches, spandex, suicide, insect stings, George W. Bush, sunburn, bad return policies, Jared Fogel and Subway, drug addicts, Hummers, nimrods, dry heaves, Barney, pattern baldness, Sally Struthers, Christmas advertising in October, cereal box toys, multiple sclerosis, Tom Cruise, traffic jams, excessive back hair, rodeos, loud eaters, and adverse environmental conditions (i.e. humidity, hurricanes, earthquakes, pollution, lightning, floods, tornadoes, tsunamis, dust devils, volcanic eruptions, hail, earthquakes, dust storms, blizzards, hurricanes, El Nino, falling rocks, mud slides, high winds, extreme temperatures, etc.)
EXTENDED DISCLAIMER
The public content of this journal does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my family, or my company – for the most part, I can’t figure out where the hell it all comes from; posts (and this disclaimer) are subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only; tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; jalapenos and sour cream added upon request; all models are over 18 years of age; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only, while supplies last; offer void where prohibited by law; no shoes, no shirt, no journal; Parental Advisory: may contain language some readers find objectionable; read at your own risk; keep away from pets and small children; limit one per family; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask about my guns-for-posts trade in policy; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; contents may settle during posting; sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not read while driving a motor vehicle or operating heavy machinery; safety goggles recommended; push-stop / pull-run; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; discontinue use if swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; contents under pressure, do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; smoking this journal may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; the posts on this journal are made from 100% recycled electrons; no animals were used in testing; low sodium, low fat, no MSG, no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors added; if ingested do not induce vomiting; if symptoms persist consult a doctor; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawals; one size fits all; allow six to eight weeks for delivery; offer is valid only at participating restaurants; please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop; posts in the mirror may be stranger than they appear; carryon luggage must be stored under your seat or securely in an overhead bin; other restrictions may apply.
* Warning * This journal may or may not contain controversial discussions on the following topics including, but not limited to:
Swimming cramps, acid rain, ping-pong balls, Fabio, hiccups, crack whores, planetary misalignment, cell phones, cable outages, itchy clothing tags, sonic booms, hippies, global warming, genetically altered foods, bad luck, potholes, killer bees, labor violence, organ rejection, sudden hot water shower syndrome, political corruption, toxic waste, voodoo curses, yellow waxy buildup, sunspots, nasty commercials (douche, tampon, wart, diarrhea, jock itch, canker sore, pimple, erectile dysfunction, hemorrhoid, yeast infection, herpes, athletes foot, etc.), runaway trains, locusts, rabies, body lice, cattle stampedes, airline food, carbon deposits, hand dryer graffiti, taxation without representation, evil neighbors, metal fatigue, neo-nazis and/or mother-in-laws, mutual assured destruction, moral decay, Dutch elm disease, chain reactions, dry rot, entropy, charlatans, chemical spills, continental drift, stray projectiles (arrows, bullets, buckshot, grenade shrapnel, SCUD missiles, knives, rocks, vomit, etc.), mystery meats, tooth decay, watery ketchup, drive-by shootings, missing socks, orthodontists, toilet plungers, diabetes, armed robbery, golf, hit-and-run drivers, homework, leaky batteries, laryngitis, fruitcakes, babies with pierced ears, electrocution, Britney Spears, telemarketers, cracked windshields, anal leakage, botulism, self-help books, inflation, hairballs, disco, demonic possession, heart attacks, dandruff, circumcision, corporate greed, diaper rash, hangnails, lasers, headaches, disgruntled postal workers, theft, bagels, Jon Bonet Ramsey, Microsoft, beanie babies, groin kicks, Power Rangers, fur coats, lousy ignorant drivers, deviated septa, doorbells, France, Mondays, hernias, overpaid actors-celebrities-athletes, frivolous lawsuits, fat guys in Speedos, photon torpedoes, ghetto-style driving, prunes, false election promises, flat tires, Fran Drescher, constipation, war, poverty, warm beer, censorship, cigar smokers, alien abductions, eye boogers, universal armageddon, sharks, lawyers, neighbors who let their dogs bark all night, Jerry Springer, insomnia, diesel exhaust, mushrooms, gangrene, ear aches, freezer burn, toxic waste, caked-on makeup, rogue elephants, motion sickness, intestinal parasites, mosquitoes, brain freeze, Bill Gates, map folding, rabid squirrels, homicide, bed head, reality television, depression, leprosy, unsupervised children, Milli Vanilli, ISO 9002, Saved by the Bell, morning breath, gonorrhea, improper or unauthorized repair, sour milk, sleep drooling, lava lamps, drowning, double-parking, stabbings, static cling, Celine Dion, radioactive fallout, power surges, good movies with terrible endings, nose-picking, Ticketmaster, work, yuppies, bigotry, clowns, ingrown toenails, asbestos, fake boobies, cannibalism, blisters, flesh-eating bacteria, dog barf, Oprah Winfrey, cold toilet seats, limericks, crappy jingles, pilly flannel sheets, animal abuse / neglect, “404 - Not Found” errors, speeding tickets, twenty-five checkout lanes and only three cashiers, email spam, puppy mills, charlie-horses, dermatitis, starvation, tinnitus, seating by busboy stations, soap scum, mold & mildew, car alarms, chest colds, death via vending machine, Martha Stewart, Dell Computers, dust mites, snoring, Japanese cartoons, trailer parks, overused sayings, genitalia euphemisms, paper cuts, AOL, TMJ, “whizzing” car logos, bubonic plague, contraction of the universe, dirty jokes, juice boxes, lost remotes, black teeth, broken shoelaces, man boobs, boy bands, arthritis, anxiety, hard shell plastic wrapping, prejudice, filthy public restrooms, prostate exams, pinched nerves, oysters, cancer, rude people in movie theaters, presidential speeches, spandex, suicide, insect stings, George W. Bush, sunburn, bad return policies, Jared Fogel and Subway, drug addicts, Hummers, nimrods, dry heaves, Barney, pattern baldness, Sally Struthers, Christmas advertising in October, cereal box toys, multiple sclerosis, Tom Cruise, traffic jams, excessive back hair, rodeos, loud eaters, and adverse environmental conditions (i.e. humidity, hurricanes, earthquakes, pollution, lightning, floods, tornadoes, tsunamis, dust devils, volcanic eruptions, hail, earthquakes, dust storms, blizzards, hurricanes, El Nino, falling rocks, mud slides, high winds, extreme temperatures, etc.)
EXTENDED DISCLAIMER
The public content of this journal does not necessarily reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my family, or my company – for the most part, I can’t figure out where the hell it all comes from; posts (and this disclaimer) are subject to change without notice; text is slightly enlarged to show detail; resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; hand wash only; tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; jalapenos and sour cream added upon request; all models are over 18 years of age; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only, while supplies last; offer void where prohibited by law; no shoes, no shirt, no journal; Parental Advisory: may contain language some readers find objectionable; read at your own risk; keep away from pets and small children; limit one per family; no money down; no purchase necessary; ask about my guns-for-posts trade in policy; you need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; action figures sold separately; contents may settle during posting; sealed for your protection; do not use if safety seal is broken; do not read while driving a motor vehicle or operating heavy machinery; safety goggles recommended; push-stop / pull-run; call before you dig; use only with proper ventilation; for external use only; discontinue use if swelling, redness, rash, or irritation develops; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; keep away from open flames; avoid inhaling fumes or contact with mucous membranes; contents under pressure, do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; smoking this journal may be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom; the posts on this journal are made from 100% recycled electrons; no animals were used in testing; low sodium, low fat, no MSG, no preservatives, no artificial colors or flavors added; if ingested do not induce vomiting; if symptoms persist consult a doctor; slippery when wet; must be 18 to enter; possible penalties for early withdrawals; one size fits all; allow six to eight weeks for delivery; offer is valid only at participating restaurants; please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop; posts in the mirror may be stranger than they appear; carryon luggage must be stored under your seat or securely in an overhead bin; other restrictions may apply.
ConnectInterests (34):
12/21/2012, 42, adoption, astronomy, benign positional vertigo, cb radio, depression, dr. fun, eggs erroneous, flintstones vitamins, flying spaghetti monster, free hugs, ham radio, hornswagglers, kirsten dunst, occam's razor, orange blossoms, population zero, savage chickens, save ferris, sick puppies, soylent green, spatula city, stephen king, the adult conspiracy, the goonies, the straight dope, tinnitus, vanilla, vermicious knids, vintage tv, whangdoodles, wow, yellow
External Services:
 | farkleberries@livejournal.com |
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